The challenges of being true to yourself.

   A year ago, I found myself facing myself..a person I could not recognize. Where had I disappeared to? My spirit? My creativity? My opinions? My dreams? I had passed 12 years in a sleep walking state...trying hard to ´fit in´ to new cultures, being polite and burying all my real feelings. I could unwind with just a few childhood friends who I met once a year. Clothes had always been an extension on my personality...but it had been years my creations had not slipped out of my drawing boards and onto my body.
    It´s true I was more likable to people this way...so polite, meek and traditional.  But I was getting sick. really, physically sick with how far away I was to my true self. So I finally decided to do something about it. A few friends who are older to me with more life experience had been the ones who told me I was doing the right thing. My parents of cause. They always supported me. My husband supports me with what I am doing...sometimes saying I am having a mid life crises. I hope not! Am not in my mid life yet!! I have had friends who said I was crazy to do what I am doing. Why did I want to shake up my safe world? How could I leave my family and go away for 3 months? Mostly...I did not NEED anything. Financially I was secure...so why?
     NEED- I really did need this. I have never been more happy and these days of reflecting have been so good for my soul. I don´t want to go far from my core self...in the process..I have gone back to being outspoken and opinionated as I used to be. Not everyone can take this side of me. I know that. But being politely quiet and smiling and then discussing someone..is the worst thing one human can do to another. I could never stand that. I never want to hurt with what I say, but you can count on it being true.
    The young are true to themselves...so idealistic, so full of opinions, ideas to change the world . Until they realize they need to work to earn money...usually follow company ideals and policies that don´t fit in with what they believe. Be polite to people who hurt them, treat them badly. Prostitute themselves for work, to keep their position...to climb up the social ladder. Wanting what the neighbor has, so working more and more getting stuck with this system which seems to rob your creativity your soul. Until they are old and realize....what was all that about?! If I could just do it over again. They truly see what life is all about...but then its usually too old.
    I am glad I have opened my eyes. My family and friends have been supportive. I am happier than I have been for years. Being happy I know I can be a better friend, mother, wife, daughter, sister, aunty...to all those around me. Its a challenge...but a challenge worth taking up. difficult...but worth everything.